Weight Lifting for Women: The 4 Top Mistakes That Stall Progress After 35 (and how to fix them fast without doing more)
It’s early. You’re fitting in your workout before the day picks up steam, knocking out bicep curls with your go-to 10 pounders in between packing school lunches, checking Slack, and savoring five sips of lukewarm coffee.
You're consistent (mostly). You show up. And yet…your body’s at a standstill. Not stronger. Not more defined. Just...meh.
You expected more by now. So why isn’t anything different?
You're not imagining it. And you're not broken. But when it comes to weight lifting for women—especially if you're over 35 and juggling it all—there are a few sneaky things that might be getting in the way of your progress, even though you're showing up and doing the work.
Let's walk through them...and then fix them, fast.
(If you prefer video, check out Athena covering all this HERE).
1. Not Lifting Heavy Enough for Muscle Growth
You haul around toddlers, laundry baskets, dog food bags, and everything else your family needs all day…but your bicep curls haven’t budged past 10s these last few months. Why?
You may think you’re already lifting heavy “enough” because it feels hard in the moment. But if you can breeze through 15 reps without much struggle, it's not going to get you the body changes you're looking for. And listen - we're not talking about powerlifting competitions here...there’s a sweet spot between barre class and CrossFit, and that’s what we’re aiming for (until you feel like going for more).
Give this a go instead:
Use Moderate-to-Heavy Weights (60–85% of your 1 rep max): Pick a weight that feels challenging by rep 6 and hard by rep 10. Example: If your one-rep-max for a bicep curl is 20 pounds, then use a 12-17 pound dumbbell for this move in your normal workouts.
Aim for 6–12 Reps Per Set: This may seem so little if you’re used to busting out 15+ reps per move, but if you’re lifting heavy enough with good form, this is all you need per set to be effective. And remember to slow down - you shouldn’t be bouncing around during the movement. More time under tension = better results. The last couple reps should be slow and tough, but still with good form.
Lift to Near Failure (Safely): To build muscle, you need to push close to the point where you can’t do another rep with good form (Robinson et al., 2024). That’s different from just feeling a “burn”—like in a barre class, your muscles might burn and shake during plies, but you can keep going, even if it’s uncomfortable. True muscle failure is when you physically slow down because your muscles are tapped out. Try to pay attention to the difference between “burning” and actual muscle failure next time you workout.
Progressive Overload: Add 2–5 lbs, a few reps, or an extra set every 3–4 weeks if you workout regularly. A lot of advice about weight lifting for women skips this critical part!
For a deeper dive into the above tips, check out our blog post What Does Lifting Heavy Really Mean?
Remember: that “toned” look is built with heavy weights—not 3-pound dumbbells. We’re not haters…lighter weights do have their place—for stamina, joint stability, rehab, and learning good form. But if your goal is visible muscle tone or body recomposition, they won’t cut it unless you're lifting to failure (and even then, it’ll take a LOT longer than just picking up something heavier in the first place).
Love your Pilates, barre, or Peloton classes? Great. Just treat them as complements to heavier strength training, not substitutes.
2. Not Resting Enough Between Sets
Picture this: You're in a Body Pump class and the second your set ends, the instructor tells you to go right into jumping jacks or burpees "to keep your heart rate up." You're sweating. You're definitely out of breath. Buuut you're not building muscle.
When it comes to weight lifting for women, rest is one of the most overlooked tools. We’re so conditioned to think more movement = better results, but your muscles need recovery time between sets to lift with intensity again. Without it, your next set suffers—and so do your strength gains.
C’mon…when you're go-go-go in every other area of your life...take advantage of the fact that a lifting session is most productive when you take time to rest!
Yes, we all have rushed days where we speed through everything just to check the box. But that should be the exception, not your norm.
Here's a better approach:
Rest 60–90 seconds between sets for moderate weights (8-12 reps)
Rest 2-3 minutes for heavier sets (6 reps or fewer)
You don’t need to fill every second - you can just rest in between sets. Crazy concept, right?? Consider it a mini meditation, or if you're feeling really antsy, walk a lap or do an easy stretch or mobility drill. But no burpees!
You push during sets. You grow between them. This approach may feel strange at first when you're used to workouts (and a life) that never let you pause. But remember: rest isn't wasted time—it's what makes the work work.
3. Doing Too Much Volume
Your Type A brain loooves checking boxes—more exercises, more reps, more sets. It feels productive, gives you that burn, makes you sweat.
But again, more isn’t always better. It’s usually just… scattered. Instead of pushing hard where it counts, you're pacing yourself across 12 exercises that look cool on Instagram but don’t actually build strength.
This is a classic trap in weight lifting for women, especially with YouTube workouts that prioritize variety over progression. The moves might look impressive, but they’re not going to get you the toned physique you’re after (yes, even if the 5’10”, size 2 instructor tells you otherwise…that’s probably genetics or she’s doing other workouts on the side).
Plus, when your life is already packed to the brim, you don't always need longer workouts—you need ones that get straight to the point.
The super simple formula for an effective strength workout:
Choose 3–6/7 max movements (squats, rows, presses, deadlifts - the last couple can be more accessory/core/isolation-focused)
Do 2–3 tough sets of 6–12 reps each
Rest enough between sets (see #2)
Use heavy enough weights (see #1)
Simple ≠ easy. Simple = sustainable. And sustainable is what is what actually transforms your body for the long haul.
4. Switching Things Up Too Often
You like variety. You want workouts to feel fun. That’s normal, I get it. But constantly jumping from Peloton to Zumba to whatever your friend’s into this week might be why your body’s staying the same.
Muscles grow from consistency, not randomness. Doing the same movements long (and right) enough is what signals your body to adapt to that stronger force (aka = muscles grow = you get the sexy definition you’re looking for). Always switching your workouts up might keep you busy…but it also keeps you stuck.
Here’s what works better:
Stick with one strength plan for 8-10 weeks (keeping in mind all the above tips) before trying something else
Add in other movement (walks, dance, hikes) for enjoyment and mental health (but not the expectation of fat loss/body change)
Track your lifts to see proof you’re progressing (the best motivation!)
Will strength training always be exciting? Nope. Influencers only show the highlights for a reason—full workouts aren’t exactly binge-worthy. But neither is real life. Your job, your relationships, parenting—none of them are thrilling every single moment. But the things that matter most are built through consistent, unglamorous effort. Strength training is no different…the magic happens in those ordinary reps you keep showing up for.
So stay focused and keep at it. Because you don’t need entertainment-you need results.
You don’t need more time—you need a plan that works with the time (and brain space) you have.
I hope you noticed a theme here: it’s not about doing more, it’s about doing the right things—consistently, intentionally, and without the overwhelm.
You actually like working out. You miss your long gym sessions. If you had the time, you’d be back there, lifting hard, feeling great, resetting. But right now, your life’s full and your brain’s even fuller. You’re already making a thousand decisions each day and don’t want your workout to be one of them. You still want to look and feel amazing —but what you do has to actually count (and fast).
The 7 Day Toned in 20 Challenge was built for this season—when you want results, but you need a plan that removes the stress and the thinking (cuz you’re not avoiding the workout, you’re avoiding the mental load of the workout 🙃). Clear instructions, simple programming, and 20 minutes you’ll actually look forward to.
Just press play and go.
👉 [Get Toned in 20]—because the right workout plan should lighten your load, not add to it.